The Adventures of the TLK-L Team- DANGER ZONE

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4             _The Adventures of the TLK-L Team_        DANGER ZONE!!
     I was tired. But then again, I expected to be tired. Moving into new
residence is seldom easy, especially when the lovely people at housing
expect you to bring large amounts of heavy objects four floors into the air
using a single elevator that probably would smell better with a dead rat in
the corner.
     I digress. I was tired. And when the blessed day came that I could finally
plug my computer into the wall, I was elated. Having already informed Daryl
and the rest of the TLK-L team of my new whereabouts, I was quite anxious
to get back into the midst of things. Hitting the secret password
(CTRL-ALT-DEL for those who wish to try), I slipped directly down into my
brand new chute.
     The Disney folks had gone all out this time for me. Not only did they make
a lion sized chute, they made it about as rough and wet too. So much for
creativity. There was a great deal of surprise when I slid into my seat
with clothes slightly torn and sopping wet. I got several looks but it was
probably better that they didn't ask. The area was pretty clear though,
probably because it was still summer. However what really interested me was
the squishy sound that came to my ears as I sat down.
     "Rindimo! Sichi!" I looked around for them angrily, "Are you putting
whoopie cushions everywhere again?"
     "Who me??" was their combined reply. "I think we missed your chair
though..." Sichi said after a moment's thought. I looked down and had to
fight hard not to wretch. They were right after all, it wasn't a whoopie
cushion, it was much worse than that. A festering congealed lump of
semi-tan goo SOMETHING was sitting directly where I sat. It didn't take a
half sniff to realize how pungent that stuff was. Grimacing rather
strongly, I turned my head and frowned. You probably know what it is by
now.
     "Would someone please come and retrieve their SPAM??" I gasped as a
multitude of listers began to look at each other and argue over who's spam
it was. Could it be possible that that many people were spamming the list?
I took an educated guess and called for someone.
     "Hey Logozo?" I said, remembering his patented SPAM technology, "Is this
marvellous piece yours?" The tortoise came slowly out of a tunnel toward
the side of the room.
     "I've given up the SPAM business." he said.
     "Attaboy Loggy!" came the replies.
     "Besides, now I've got other things to occupy my time..." Just then a
rather pleasant giggle came from bhind him.
     "Oh Loggy dear? I'm getting lonely in here..." Logozo turned around and
grinned.
     "Coming my love..." he said, "I was thinking of adding another page to
your shrine. Would you like that dear?"
     "Hmm," came the sultry purr, "What do you think, Logozo?" After hearing
that, I just shut the door.
     "The tortoise and the lioness..." I commented airily, "sounds like a fable
to me."
     "I'll write it!" cried Dave Morris. The single response puzzled me.
Looking around for the other fanfic authors, they were quite enamored in
work. John was rewriting COTPL, Trey was being strange in the pridelands,
and Kublia was celebrating the end of a Long Path. I looked around, someone
was missing.
     "Where's Dave- no! Wait! I mean..." but it was too late. I closed my eyes,
expecting chaos but instead was only greeted with shakes of the head. Could
it be possible? The Dave assimilation had been greatly reduced. Sighing
with relief, I finished. "I meant Dave Braun..." Just about that time, we
all heard a rather animated shriek and saw Snowcat hurtling through the
air. He landed with a loud PLONQ. Thankfully, the sacramental wine had
dulled the impact well enough and he sat up blinking.
     "Whoa! What was that?"
     "Hell Nino..." Rindimo commented. I didn't even touch that one.
     "Stahi!" I called into the shadows, "I need your help." After a little
while, the shadows came into form and out popped the dark panther. He
looked rather ragged, I assume to be the result of some solitary activity.
     "Wha?" he grunted. I pointed to the spam.
     "What do you make of it?" He took a single sniff and his eyes bugged out.
     "By the shadows! Where'd you get THAT toxic stuff?"
     "It was on my seat as I came in." I said, thinking nothing of it.
     "That's not your run of the mill Spam." Stahi said. "This is grade 'A'
offtopic SPAM. I haven't seen it congealed like this before." I scowled.
For those that don't know (and that includes many of you) offtopic spam is
the worse stuff in the world. It messes up good threads, takes up server
space, breeds other spam in reply, is highly flammable, clogs drains, kills
small domestic animals, and send filthy magazines to old dates under your
name. On top of that, it STINKS! My eyes were already watering.
     "Well, what do we DO with it?" I exclaimed. "Can't we just throw it on
some other newsgroup?"
     "There is no way to get rid of SPAM, it's already in the list's archives
on zazu.lionking.org. The only way to combat it is by a large number of
on-topic posts. That should dilute it enough so that it isn't a threat."
     "On topic posts...okay...got it." I placed a call overseas and got a-hold
of just the person. "Chris, could you come to the TLK-L team room at once?"
A few moments later, Chris Boyce slipped from his tunnel and into view.
     "Hello? What seems to be the problem?" I point to the spam. Chris nearly
wretched, "That's disgusting!"
     "We need a series of on-topic posts that can combat this stuff. Think
you're up to it?" Chris grinned
     "Of course!"
     Chris assembled his crack team of analysts and investigators and unleashed
a massive spread of Simba's Pride stuff. Along with Kese, NalaIII(formerly
Myra Weber), and a host of others, the list was innundated with useful
on-topic information. Mitanga threw in a useful topic with the pridelands
on fire. However tht hot subject merely burned out after a while. Aproko
excitedly announced new SP footage and things seemed alright. The spam
began to shrink.
     However, even with the valiant effort made by a great number of people,
the spam did not totally disappear. More off-topic posts emerged, slowly at
first, then gaining speed on the on-topic posts. The spam began to grow,
feeding on the useless one-liners, overquoted posts, and uninformative
responses. Even as the battle for spam supremacy went on, the one liners
and off topic posts began to mount against the valiant efforts of others.
The spam was most definitely growing.

Suddenly, the entire TLK-L room rocked hard, sending people to the ground.
     "What was that??" CubSimba cried out.
     "Someone's throwing the list off balance." Brian said at the controls,
    "It's a binary attack!" Looking around frantically, we managed to catch
Steve posting the pictures to the list. We all learned a valuable lesson
about this: posting binaries is BAD...mmkay? There are plenty of free
websites that would be much more interested in seeing your catz.
     Even though the list's integrity (tee-hee) remained intact, the damage had
been done. The spam was beginning to grow even larger under the one-line
onslaught of several other newbies. This was perhaps the most
conterproductive thing that could have happened. The useless posts were met
with great resistance, taking the valuable energies of the more on-topic
people.
     The Old Guard elected to take a policy of silence, trying to lead by
example. Other generations were more vocal, making vague attempts to stand
up and retake the list. More and more lurkers were becoming disgruntled. In
general, the list was beginning to become an unfriendly place. The
situation was becoming critical and I was beside myself with what to do.
     Suddenly, the second most dangerous topic came up on the list: The subject
of the nonexistant letters in TLK. That just about did it. Inevitably,
there would be a great discussion and possibly even more flames. And all
the while, the spam was growing out of control. It was the size of a beach
ball now, and shook like a jello jiggler. The only difference was that
there was NEVER room for spam.
     "Simba?" came a voice from behind. I blinked,

     "Ndoto? Are you still here?"
     "Yeah, well...I had the strangest dream the other day." I crossed my arms.
     "Between you and Ben, we shouldn't have any worries about missing a dream
message."
     "Well, that's just the thing. It was about this whole dust thing..." I
groaned, but Ndoto was adament, "Hear me out!" Just then, a newbie ran
between us, shouted something and ran off. These one liners were getting
really out of control.
     "What happened?"
     "Well, I was in my sailor uniform again..." Ndoto started, bringing about
a large number of snickers. "And was watching Simba's Pride. I don't
remember what I saw, but I started thinking. What would happen if there was
a subliminal message in Simba's Pride?"
     "Puh..." Chris Boyce said, "They don't spend enough creative energy on
sequels to do that."
     "But what if it's true?" I pondered aloud. There was only one way to find
out. Marcus Aanerud, Paul Summers, Timduru and a few others held the
ultimate power of video capture. Using their expertise (and the criticising
eyes of the TLK-L) the Simba's Pride clips were studied intently for any
sign or signal of subliminal messaging. What we found surprised us all..

TO BE CONTINUED....

BACK

          _The Adventures of the TLK-L Team_           DANGER ZONE- PART 2
     "Is this for real?" I gasped as the evidence presented itself over and
over again. "How could we have been so foolish as to miss such an obvious
thing?"
     "The steroids?" cried a voice
     "Simba smiles like Aladdin?" called out another
     "I TOLD you he was on steroids!" Stahi uttered.
     "NO!" cried out video experts.
     "Why don't you explain it for everyone." Raccoon Prince took center stage,
carefully avoiding the pulsating spam that threatened to get larger.
     "We took a sampling of the various clips in several forms: Quicktime,
MPEG, and superhighquality."
     "What we found was a surprised." Prowl spoke up, turning the clips on
three screens.
     "It's hard to tell," Started Timduru, "but there is a small difference in
the three clips. the two MPEG versions are the same, but in the Quicktime,
we picked up small differences. In particular, small color patterns that
begin to repeat."
     "Subliminal messaging at it's best.." I growled...
     "WHAT THE HELL IS SUBLIMINAL MESSAGING?" screamed up a rather confused
young list member. Instantly, the list went into a frenzy.
     "I've got the feathers!" cried out Ryan
     "I might be able to get you that tar there..." grinned MikieMeerkat.
     "Calm down! Calm down everyone!" Krazy Kat pleaded. "I'm sure that someone
can explain."
     "It's like this." I started, closing my eyes to think. "The neural
pathways of the brain respond to several different kinds of stimulii, in
many cases using a form of mental heuristics to record and playback certain
patterns upon stiumulation. Through subliminal messaging the various
patterns in visual and sometimes audio media are carefully coordinated to
produce the same effect, brainwashing those that watch it and providing a
virtual switch through which an outside source can control their actions."
     When I opened my eyes I was greeted with rather insane looks. many had
chins on the floor while a few others were working busily to get Moker's
brains back in his head. Sichi smirks and commented.
     "Since I'm not SimbaW, I'll just call it brainwashing." I sourly assented
to the colloquial definition. However the concept brought a whole new
problem.
     "Why is it that it appears only in the Quicktime movies?" Bobby asked.
     "Well, being that MPEG *is* a Microsoft format, it is rather inferior to
Apple's Quicktime."
     "HEY!" shouted Prowl, Timduru and a few other listers. I winced.
     "Sorry guys, but I owed Racc from an earlier parody." Racc grinned
triumphantly, but a threat to re-release the Saber Fight series quickly had
him serious again. Just about then, the spam pulsated and began to grow
again.
     "Ack! It's growing again!" cried a voice.
     "Quick!" I called out. "Someone post something on-topic!" Help came from
an unusual source as Rindimo came up with rather wise words that calmed the
spam. Followed up by some great posts by KrazyKat, Dave Morris, and Chris
Boyce, it even began to shrink a little.
     "Good job!" cried Aristide.
     "Good job!" cried Aristide.
     "Good job!" cried Aristide.
     "Good job!" cried Aristide.
     "Good job!" cried Aristide.
     "Good job!" cried Aristide.
     "Good job!" cried Aristide.
     "Good job!" cried Aristide.
     "Good job!" cried Aristide.
     "Good job!" cried Aristide.
     "AAAAAACK!" the entire list screamed. Aristide looked rather abashedly at
the group.
     "Err, sorry..." he muttered, "My blasted MS mailer much have done that."
Everyone looked at Racc, who was smiling smugly. my point had been made.
However, the conversation turned serious again as Chris Boyce turned us
back on topic.
     "This movie thing is serious. Do you know what this means?" the full
implications hadn't hit me yet, but after that statement I was rather
shocked. If what we had found was true, then we were being affected by
these clips somehow. the big question was: why would Disney try to
brainwash us through Simba's Pride...?

TO BE CONTINUED....

BACK

          _The Adventures of the TLK-L Team_           DANGER ZONE- PART 3
     "This hardly makes sense..." I mused aloud.
     "I'll say." Greg Ludwick commented. "These flashlights are hardly
appropriate for kids."
     "Yeah, they should have made one for Nala." Jeff Dearman drooled slightly.
I rolled my eyes (thankful that someone was kind enough to roll them back).
     "No! The messages! Why would Disney be sending subliminal messages through
the clips?"
     "Seems simple enough." Chris Boyce said, crossing his arms, "they
obviously want people like us to pay for their things. And since kids are
highly susceptible to this kind of messaging, they go after them first.
Marketing...puh.." Yeah, that did make sense. But it still didn't add up.
     "Why not check with our contact Simba?" piped up a voice.
     "Good idea." I said, turning to Mirrani, "Can you hail Daryl?" Mirrani
went to the controls and began punching in various commands.
     "Hey! I thought *I* was the resident Trekkie here!" Stahi argued. I
grinned at him.
     "This is the Next Generation. Now get your head out Deep Space Cloud 9 and
help her." With some grunts and disapproval, the shadow moved to help
Mirrani get Daryl. Oddly enough, there was no answer.
     "We can't get through." came the verdict after a few futile minutes of
trying. That didn't sit well with me for some reason. I turned and looked
back toward my chair.
     "How's the spam doing?"
     "It's stable.." Brian said cautiously.
     "But I don't know how much longer we can fend off the SPAM." KrazyKat
warned in an apprehensive tone. I nodded my head slightly.
     "We need a few more on topic posts, just to be certain this thing stays
under control until we figure out what to do." Dave Morris quickly jumped
into action, jotting down a few morning thoughts and posting them for us.
The spam shrunk a little, but not before Dave was pounced unceremoniously
by a miffed jaguar.
     "Write clearer!" chided Chakal Burkitty, "I thought something was wrong
with you." We all stared at him rather blankly, considering he hadn't made
too many appearances recently, let alone in his jaguar suit. The pair
parted on good terms though, just in time for me to get a sweet whisper in
my ear.
     "Oh Simba...?" Nala crooned softly. My attention was immediately taken.
     "Yes dear??" I said eagerly.
     "Perhaps if we knew the message we could figure out more about it's
purpose?" My heart sank.
     "Oh..." I said, a bit deflated. Then I realized what I was doing and
perked up, "Yeah, that's a good idea." She gave me a patented disappointed
look.
     "What did you THINK I was going to say?" I flushed.
     "Umm...err...Lets see about your idea first hmm?" Nala shook her head and
grunted..
     "Men...go fig." Slightly embarrassed, but not taken off task, I returned
my attention to the group.
     "Alright...so how can we find out what the message is?" Racc spoke up
first
     "Maybe if we play the video clips we can determine it's effects based on
what it does to a TLKer."
     "Attaboy Racc!" came the resounding cry.
     "How?" was my only question. "We need a way to keep the subject from
knowing what we are trying to do." Just then, a thumping sound came from a
back corner of the room. Moker had just spilled something on his plushie
and was bouncing furiously off the walls of his glass case. "Perfect." I
said, grinning.

     Racc, Prowl, and Timduru got to setting up the experiment. They were going
to show each of the clips in the three forms and record Moker's reactions
as he saw them. When the Quicktime clip came around, we hoped that there
would be a recordable effect. In the meantime, several other on topic posts
came down the bandwidth, helping to contain the spam a little more. A roar
startled us as Stanley D. Lion slid in from his chute.
     "We have to do something about Pooh! It's everywhere!"
     "No, Stan." I sighed, "That's the spam you're smelling."
     "WINNE the Pooh!" he corrected himself. While he riled the list into going
on a Pooh crusade, Racc and the others had finished setting up the
experiment. We all gathered around the glass case to watch.
     Things were okay, and Moker accepted the MPEG versions calmly. However,
when the Quicktime clip came up, he suddenly began to show some effects.
Taking careful measurements we all discovered the pattern. It hardly
answered any questions.
     The clips, or so it seemed, caused the part of the brain responsible for
anxiety to increase. The heightened anxiety could take the form of
anything...even...
     "SPAM!" cried Sahibu. We all looked at the spammy meerkat in shock, before
the million dollar questions came up. "What's spam REALLY made of anyway?"
     "We already answered that." I said, slightly perturbed. However, it was
Boyce to the rescue once more.
     "Not if we think in other terms..." he started, "Why do people spam? It's
not because they are silly..." Just then, Steve Koelik tiptoed by, giggling
maniacally.
     "I have a secret! I have a secret!" Chris growled.
     "Well, most of us anyway...it's because there is nothing else to post."
     "It makes sense!" Greg said, "TLK stuff is running dry, we're running out
of things to post. So by agitating us, they get us to post more spam."
     "But what good would that do?" I asked.
     "Spam makes people angry." Chris stated simply, "And what happens when
people get too angry? Instant flame war!" It slowly started to come
together.
     "So they start a flame war..." I started, trying to make the connection,
    "And flame wars are stopped by on-topic posts. But since there isn't much
TLK left to post that hasn't already been posted, people keep getting more
frustrated..."
     "Until there is a complete breakdown of all protocal and the list goes
ballistic at each other, sinking until eventually..."
     "This place gets so full of that SPAM that we can't even get in here
anymore. It would effectively destroy the fandom as we know it." Brian
finished. I blinked, shocked.
     "Don't you think that's kinda far fetched?" Aristide commented. We all
waited in horror for him to repeat, but when he didn't, we breathed a sigh
of relief. I felt very uneasy all of a sudden. The reality was staring us
in the face, pulsating and threatening to grow at any moment. And it still
smelled like Pooh. There was no doubt in anyone's mind: the TLK-L team was
sitting in the middle of a Danger Zone.
     "Lets get on the move. If Disney is trying to take us out, then we have to
find the reason why...and fast!"

TO BE CONCLUDED....

BACK

_The Adventures of the TLK-L Team_ DANGER ZONE- PART 3
     "We need to get in contact with Daryl." I said flatly. "Even if it means
we go there in person."
     "You're not going to like where his offices are..." Mirrani commented.
     "Looks like you're headed home, Simba." Stahi grunted.
     "Aww no. You don't mean..." I started, but they nodded. Blast! Daryl's
office was located somewhere on the citysized property of Disney down in
Orlando, Florida.
     "Don't worry about it Simba." Kublia said with a kind pat on the back,
    "It'll be like another Homecoming. Ooh, Homecoming...that sounds like a
great title for a story..."
     "GROUP TRIP TO DISNEY!!" someone screamed from the back. The list roared
in excitement for a moment before. I had to use the all powerful @Q (muck
joke) to return to a more reasonable state of control.
     "Perhaps you don't get it, people." I said, "If Disney is out to get us,
then walking right into their territory is not going to be easy, let alone
finding one person. It's going to be like a needle in a haystack." Paavo
Hartikainen, who had been incredibly quiet, spoke.
     "Well, the plane DOES have rather sophisticated equipment. We can track
him down somehow. We just need to have more detail to it." Just then I got
a rather rude poke from Rindimo.
     "Ow! Geez, what was that for??"
     "It doesn't mattah! It's in de past! Ha ha!" he laughed. While I
contemplated throwing him to the putrid SPAM, he quickly saved himself,
    "You're writing this parody, do something."
     "I can't cheat! The parody writers union has eyes all over, you know
that!"
     "It wouldn't be illegal. You've still got your artistic licence don't
you?" After digging through my wallet, I found it but was still uncertain.
Rindimo pushed, "Com'on, who's going to find out down here?" We both turned
and looked at the 'camera' for a moment, then I nodded.
     The TLK-L jet was equipped with the most high tech sensation devices
around. We could pinpoint his location by looking for his DNA pattern
(yeah, the union would kill me, but I never paid my dues anyway). And while
I'm at it, we also upgraded the whole ship to first class, just for kicks.
     "To the jet!" I cried out. Everyone was rather excited about the new jet
and rushed out to get abord the black maned aircraft. Why a black mane?
Well...that's part of an earlier parody.
     We were airborne in seconds, headed toward Disney. From the previous times
in the jet, I knew that most problems occurred while in flight. First it
was the -holics, then it was the lust sized Nalas, and then the KIB. No,
this time I had it all worked out. The in flight snack and drink was
accompanied with a squeezable sized plushie. Not too big, but just enough
to satisfy those 'insatiable cuddlin' cravin's'
     Of course, even THIS proved to be too much of a challenge as some listers
were unable to keep their drinks and plushies separate. I couldn't believe
it.
     "How could you let this happen?"
     "Umm, turbulence?" Moker said
     "She just jumped in! I swear!" Kublia claimed. "It's the washing machine
for you."
     "No! Don't do that!" cried Greg Ludwick suddenly, hopping up. "Here's how
you can clean a plushie...Here's how you can clean a plushie...Here's how
you can clean a plushie..."
     "ACK!" the list gagged on the threepeat. Greg smacked himself.
     "The SPAM Makei is all over! This is all Disney's fault!" Yeah, the
situation was getting serious.
     The the trip was fairly uneventful, except Steve Koletnik kept dropping
his pacifier and screamed until it was put back in his mouth. Zakka's new
Scar amp played music over the ship and Makhaya's song parody entertained
everyone. I tried to spend some time planning out the next move once we
arrived and was interrupted by a small chipper voice.
     "Hi there! I'm MaSarah kat!"
     "Ack!" I said, nearly falling over in surprise. She was quickly snagged by
the KIB and nearly dragged off.
     "Never discharge your secret of surprise in public..." Maguezi uttered
lowly as they turned the corner. I frowned, righting myself and smacking
the rather obscure joke. It was the first I'd seen of the KIB in a long
time though, i must admit. I was interrupted by Jim cady next, although his
message was much more important.
     "We're almost there, Simba. ETA in about 5 minutes."
     "Thanks." I said as he left. Well, this was it. I went back to the now
first class cabin to an animated discussion. Apparently Joe McCauley had
reopened the Watership Down debate, a very popular (but still offtopic)
topic among the list. Jim Cady was already on top of it, as well as Chris
Boyce (who coincidentally had visited the areas where the story takes
place). I knew the spam was growing back in the base, and before I could
stop it, there was a short jerk and Paavo's voice came over the intercom.
     "We've landed."
     "Attaboy Paavo!" was the resounding cry.
     "Did we locate Daryl yet?" Stahi and Mirrani worked on the rather space
aged equipment and delivered their verdict. Yep, he was here alright. Time
to go find the missing contact.

     After a few moments of searching, we found a tunnel that led to the
underground cave system of Disney. There, we traced Daryl's heat pattern
(yeah, I KNOW I said DNA before! This is MY parody, right Rindimo? *hi5*)
and found him in a fairly large room. the whole place looked incredibly
'Wizard of Oz', prompting an obligatory round of 'somewhere over the
rainbow'.
     "Daryl!" I called out "What is the meaning of this?" He turned around in
his high backed 'evil-guy' chair and looked at us. His gaze was cold and
icy.
     "It is my mission to destroy the TLK-L team now. Orders from higher up."
he said flatly. We all shook our heads and looked at each other.
     "But why?!" cried a voice out from the back.
     "You meddling TLKers..." he hissed, "Your destruction was already planned
far before you even existed. Deep within the dark magic of Disney, there is
a clause stating that any fandom gaining too large a following must be
terminated! We have been monitoring your rapidly growing list, as well as
lionking.org. When the millionth hit came about, it was determined that the
group should be immediately terminated." Everyone looked at Aaron McGavock,
who had publicised the millionth hit. He was shocked.
     "It's not true! Tell me it's not true!" he cried out dramatically.
     "It's true." Daryl stated. "And now your fandom will end!" He started for
a button on the console...
     "No! Someone grab him!" I cried out. As if in slow motion, the TLK-L team
surged forward, reaching out for him to pull him away. Alas we were too
late! Daryl pushed the button and suddenly the room began to screech with
'We are One' from Simba's pride. In our agony, we all dropped to our knees,
heads bulging from the loudness and lyrics. It was too much....everyone's
heads exploded all over the place and that was the end of the TLK-L team.

The End.

Heh, you didn't think I'd actually let it end like that did you? :) Let's
try another one! <flashback waves..>

     After a few moments of searching, we found a tunnel that led to the
underground cave system of Disney. There, we traced Daryl's deodorant
pattern (yeah, I KNOW I said heat and DNA before!) and found him in a
fairly large room. the whole place looked incredibly high tech like
something from a bad science fiction movie
     "Daryl!" I called ou at the figure on the seat "What is the meaning of
this?" He turned around in his high backed 'evil-guy' chair and looked at
us. His gaze was oddly warm and fuzzy.
     "It is my mission to destroy the TLK-L team. Orders from higher up." he
said flatly. We all shook our heads and looked at each other.
     "But why?!" cried a voice out from the back.
     "You meddling TLKers..." he hissed, "Your destruction was already planned
far before you even existed. Deep within the dark magic of Disney, there is
a clause stating that any fandom gaining too large a following must be
terminated! We have been monitoring your rapidly growing list, as well as
lionking.org. When the millionth hit came about, it was determined that the
group should be immediately terminated." Everyone looked at Aaron McGavock,
who had publicised the millionth hit. He was shocked.
     "It's not true! Tell me it's not true!" he cried out dramatically.
     "It's true." Daryl stated. "And now your fandom will end!" He started for
a button on the console...
     "No! Someone grab him!" I cried out. As if in slow motion, the TLK-L team
surged forward, reaching out for him to pull him away. We snagged him just
in the nick of time, pulling him from the chair and pinning him to the
ground.
     "Hee hee, pinned ya!" Nala M. giggled. Daryl just kinda sat there, and
struggled a bit before frowning.
     "We did it!" cried the list. I shook my head.
     "Wait a moment...this isn't Daryl..." the list gasped. I grabbed onto his
head and yanked it off, revealing the true identity of the person
underneath. Everyone gasped.
     "POOH!" Stanley D. Lion cried out.
     "Oh bother..." said the dumpy bear.
     "It all makes sense now," ryan said, "Pooh has been ingrained on the
memories of all the adults of today, and he realized that if TLK continued
on it's present rate, then it would replace him as the dominant children's
icon!" The list cheered at the double victory of catching Pooh and saving
the list. Then a voice popped up from the back.
     "Now that we got him, what do we do with him?" It was silent for a moment
before Talks2Much jumped up in front of the group.
     "It's time...to CHOW DOWN!" Just then, Eisner burst in from a secret door
on the side.
     "I think not." he said, firing a special Disney beam that turned us all
into mindless slaves of his whims.

The end.

<grins> Alright, the real one, I pwomise. ;) <flashback waves>

     After a few moments of searching, we found a tunnel that led to the
underground cave system of Disney. There, we traced Daryl's footprints (You
know the drill by now) and found him in a nice sized room. The place looked
dangerous with a high backed chair facing a large screen and consol. The
whole thing was raised on a dais, prompting an obligatory round of, oh,
whatever song comes to mind.
     "Daryl!" I called out "What is the meaning of this?" He turned around in
his high backed 'evil-guy' chair and looked at us. His gaze was rather sad.
     "It is my mission to destroy the TLK-L team now. Orders from higher up."
he said dejectedly. We all shook our heads and looked at each other.
     "But why?!" cried a voice out from the back.
     "You meddling TLKers..." he hissed, hurt. "You did this to yourselves.
Deep within the dark magic of Disney, there is a clause stating that any
fandom gaining too large a following must be terminated! You captured our
films, copied our musics, posted our lyrics and on top of that, come up
with better plots for the sequel than we have!
     "We have been monitoring your rapidly growing list, as well as
lionking.org. When the millionth hit came about, it was determined from the
top that the group should be immediately terminated." Everyone looked at
Aaron McGavock, who had publicised the millionth hit. He was shocked.
     "It's not true! Tell me it's not true!" he cried out dramatically.
     "Not my precious server!" Brian said, "Geez, see what happens when I go on
vacation??"
     "It's true." Daryl stated. "I'm sorry..." He started for a button on the
console...
     "No! Someone grab him!" I cried out. As if in slow motion, the TLK-L team
surged forward, reaching out for him to pull him away. But we missed, and
in the process he hit the button. There was a great hissing sound and
suddenly the man himself was standing next to Daryl. It was Micheal Eisner.
     "Here they are sir." Daryl said disappointedly.
     "Good." Eisner said. "Dispose of them, immediately." We didn't give him
the chance. Charging onto the dais, we grabbed them both and yanked them
from the console. Producing some vines that someone brought from the TLK-L
Jet, we quickly tied them up.
     "We can talk about this..." I reasoned with them.
     "No! You must be destroyed! All of Disney must be destroyed!" Eisner
suddenly blurted out.
     "All of Disney?" We said, looking at each other. Daryl was shocked too.
     "Mr Eisner? What are you saying?" I walked over to him and looked
carefully.
     "This isn't Eisner." I stated, much to the list's and Daryl's surprise.
    "It's none other than..." I pulled off the mask and the list gasped, then
growled.
     "Bill Gates. I should have known..." Racc said sharply. Daryl was beside
himself.
     "But how did you know?" KrazyKat asked.
     "Simple," I started, "The first clue came when the Spam first arrived. It
was a message being passed around that said Disney would give a free
vacation to people. It was conspicuously similar to the one being passed
around earlier that said that Bill Gates here would provide a free copy of
Windows 98 if the mail reached enough people."
     "How does that explain the movies though?" Aristide questioned.
     "By using Apple's quicktime as the carrier, his company couldn't be blamed
for bringing the message if it got out." Racc reasoned.
     "But why Disney?" Daryl asked, exasperated.
     "Think about it, Daryl?" I said, "The two most powerful companies on
earth. The only thing standing between Microsoft and world Domination is
that kids get hooked on Disney first! It weakens Gates' hold on the world.
And with Disney out of the way, Microsoft would have a clear path to
controlling the world." Gates growled at us.
     "And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling
kids!" Everyone groaned at the cliche. We found the real Eisner tied up in
a back room, being forced to listen to 'the microsoft sound' over and over
again. When he was finally coherent enough, he thanked us and promised us
anything we wanted.
     Of course, we had to accept.
     Although it took all of Disney's resources, Eisner launched a massive
anti-Pooh campaign and innundated the world with TLK. All the fanfictions
written were animated and publicised throughout the world. It was an
immediate success. Last I heard, they were going to do a rendition of
Chronicles of the Pridelands on Broadway. Sounded like a Tony Award winner
to me. As for Bill Gates, Disney assimilated his company slowly, dropping
Bill to the depths of poverty. Now he makes a living working at Hanna
Barbara studios scooping up Scooby Doo.

And remember kids, Spam just isn't healthy. Simba says. ;)

THE END (really)

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